By Dr. J. Michael Flynn February2016
“If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.” - Mark Twain
Some people are natural listeners. For others, there should come a time when we realize that we need to listen better. Fortunate are those who learn this important skill earlier than later, and who never forget how significant it is to be a listener, to truly listen.
Not judging while listening is an art, and like all art it takes practice.
Listening to ourselves as we go through our daily routines is especially important. We live in a world of ever-growing distractions, but also in an incredible information age where if you listen effectively it can have a positive impact on your life. Listen to Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor (161-180), who said, “A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.”
The late author Dr. Stephen Covey identified one of the weaknesses that many seem to have with listening, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Good listening skills have benefits in our personal lives. One study showed speaking raises blood pressure, where attentive listening can lower it.
Listening is not the same as hearing, or simply receiving sounds. Attentive listening requires more – it requires you focus on what is being said. It is exhilarating to be understood by a good listener.
One of the earliest lessons we are taught as children is to “respect our elders.” There is also great benefit in listening to them.
One of my favorite elders was Earl Nightingale. I still enjoy listening to his past recordings to this day. He was born in 1921 and passed away in 1989. Earl grew up in poverty, joined the Marines when he was 17 and was aboard the USS Arizona when Pearl Harbor was attacked in 1941.
The USS Arizona Memorial is the resting place for more than 1,000 sailors and Marines killed that Dec. 7. Earl Nightingale was one of 15 Marines who survived the attack.
Among his many accomplishments in life, Earl was a respected speaker and author on issues of human character, development, motivation, excellence and meaningful existence. In 1956, he produced a spoken word record, “The Strangest Secret,” which sold more than 1 million copies, making it the first spoken-word recording to achieve Gold Record status.
He asked the question why so few understand the difference between success and failure? Why some people succeed and others do not? The answer lies in what he calls “The Strangest Secret,” known by too few. The recording is only 30 minutes and you can find it on YouTube.
Here is the secret, in case you don’t get around to listening to the recording, in the words of Earl Nightingale: “Throughout history, the greatest wise men and teachers, philosophers, and prophets have disagreed with one another on many things. It is only this one point that they are in complete and unanimous agreement ... the key to success and the key to failure is this: We become what we think about.”
Effective listening is a skill that supports all positive human relationships. Spend some time thinking about and developing listening skills. Teach your children to listen effectively. Listening to what we are thinking is influential to what we become.
Originally published in POV Magazine
